"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord." Jeremiah 24:7

I'd like to think I have always been close to the Lord. I went to a private Christian school from the time I was three until first grade, and I am so thankful for that decision that my parents made because it has truly shaped my life and my faith more than anything else. I remember  very well being "saved", or specifically asking Jesus into my heart, when I was in kindergarten.

After starting public school in first grade, religion played a smaller role in my life. My mom was going to medical school full time and working almost every hour of the weekends at a hospital to pay the bills (my parents had divorced just over a year earlier). While she was working, I spent every weekend with my former preschool teacher Miss Dee and her husband and teenage stepdaughter. They took me to their Lutheran Church every Sunday, but I remember little that I learned there so I wouldn't say it had too much of an impact.

When my mom graduated in 1996 and I stopped spending weekends with Miss Dee, we didn't go to church very often. It wasn't until 1999 that my mom was influenced by a friend and we began going to Catholic church almost every week.

I mostly just went along with everything, recited all the necessary phrases at the right times as I began to learn them, etc. In the Catholic church, teenagers are confirmed as members around 9th or 10th grade. They take classes each week teaching them about the faith that lead up to a confirmation ceremony. About this time in my life, I started to question everything we were doing and saying in church. I didn't understand so many things and they didn't seem right to me. Who is the pope and why is he better than the rest of us? Why would we pray to Mary? Aren't these things specifically forbidden in the Ten Commandments?

I told my mom I had no intention of being confirmed because I didn't believe any of the things the Church was telling us and I didn't understand why it had to be so ritualistic. At the same time, I was struggling to draw closer to God. I wanted a great relationship with the Lord, but I didn't understand all the rules the Church seemed to be imposing. I had friends who attended Fellowship Church in Grapevine and they all loved their church. They seemed so Godly and happy with their church and their religion and I was very jealous. I started watching the sermons from Fellowship on their website and I really loved what the pastor had to say. I asked my mom if I could start going to Fellowship Church instead, and she told me no, because I wasn't switching churches solely because a boy I liked went to Fellowship (this was also true of course).

While she may have been right about my initial interest in Fellowship stemming from wanting to be around this boy more, it really did lead to something good as I was watching the sermons and learning more than I felt like I ever had in any catholic service.

Fast forward to today, quite a few years later. The past years since high school, I have mostly only been going to church on Christmas and Easter. I have always prayed constantly, and I have never abandoned my faith in God, but it was just a part of my life, not my whole life and reason for being and doing everything I do, like I've come to realize it should be. I learned that the bible explains that God made us in such a way that we want to be close to him, that our hearts yearn for his closeness. I have felt this completely in the past month or so, and nothing is more important to me than my relationship with God at this point. I am so happy that I have finally come to this realization and it has made such a difference in my life already.

Now the topic of church comes back up, as with this feeling came the strongest desire to return to church. One day, God put it in my heart that I needed to find out as much as I could about Catholicism and know for sure where I stand. I started reading all the free samples on Kindle of books about Catholicism (that is the first chapter of every book, it’s cheaper that way haha). I actually went out and bought this book

and I have since realized that I had no idea what the word catechism actually meant prior to reading this book. I always knew that to be confirmed, you had to first take catechism classes. Therefore, I deduced, this book must be about becoming a Catholic. Haha I was so naive. Apparently, the Catholic Catechism is a 900 page book that outlines everything that Catholics believe and cites each belief in the bible. Here is the actual catechism

I read the idiot's guide anyway, and though it wasn't exactly what I thought it was going to be, it was so much better. I understand so much more about the Catholic faith, and things before that I thought were silly or unnecessary, I now believe in wholeheartedly.

I'd definitely recommend it for anyone who has ever criticized Catholicism (because I used to be that person), and not because I want to convert you, but only because a lot of what you may have been criticizing is incorrect and I like to know all the facts before I go into any argument to avoid looking stupid :)

Kidding aside, the book definitely changed my life and, again, I am so happy that God led me to it! It actually left me wanting to know a lot more though so I plan on reading the actual Catechism soon (yes, that ridiculously thick one) and at the same time try to look up all the verses from the bible that are cited so I can try to understand even better what Catholics believe the bible is teaching us.

(Disclaimer: people tend to think the catholic religion is very strict about everything, and that might lead you to think this is a book of rules. It is not that at all. It does interpret each of the commandments, and that's the closest thing you will find to a "Thing Catholics may not do..." section.)

So, this post has definitely lived up to the "ramblings" half of my blog name, but all of this means a lot to me and I felt like writing it down. If anything, I'll love to come back and look at my own blogs in a few years, even if it's pretty boring to everyone else now!

I went to church yesterday with M's family (M was working) which I plan on doing every Sunday, and I will hopefully be starting my classes in August and be baptized, take my first communion, and be confirmed all at the same time on April 7, 2012. :)

Also, our church is having a speaker on Thursday on the topic "Why be Catholic?" which I really want to attend. How more perfect could the timing be that this speaker comes the week after I start going back to this church talking about the exact topic I'm searching for knowledge about. All God's work of course!

ps. I apologize for not knowing when to capitalize the words Catholic and catechism, I tried my best (and took some advice from Word).